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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22682533">Summertime Sadness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stormyesa'>stormyesa (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1960s, Age Up, Cliche, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Spain, Tenerife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22682533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stormyesa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeyong went to Garachico during his summer break in 1967, and then he met Father Jaehyun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>jaeyong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Summertime Sadness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>oh god, i can't believe i wrote this.<br/>this is my first time writing not in my comfort-zone. please pardon all my mistakes. (this is an unedited work)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>0.</p><p>In Garachico, Tenerife, he stayed. In a cliffside abbey, named Gaenari. One of the small cities on Canary Islands. Where all the people there almost knew each other, and they lived in prosperity. Including a small Korean community there, where he located and grew.</p><p><br/>
His name was Jung Jaehyun. A nun found him sleeping, tiny abandoned-wrapped in cloth, in front of the church during Easter celebration 30 years ago. After that, Jaehyun was raised by her with the other sextons, and was baptized with the name Jeffrey. Up to that moment, Jaehyun believed that his age was more than that number.</p><p><br/>
For many years he lived in a Catholic domain, making Jaehyun fluent and really understood everything about Christianity. Lee Jungeun, the nun and the foster mother of Jaheyun at the same time, taught him a lot of things. From how he started walking, to far explored half of Tenerife. As well, the biblical. Jaehyun’s presence in their small church brought a new light. Including the novelty regarding sexual orientation.</p><p><br/>
1961 was not a ripe time to discuss matters that were still considered taboo. Even though in Spain, Jaehyun grew up in a community of Korean citizens who had been with him ever since Jaehyun was a baby.</p><p><br/>
“Lord Jesus. I have failed,” Jungeun said lowly, after Jaehyun ventured himself to come out to her. She cried while hugging his son. “My child, you poor little thing.”</p><p><br/>
“I beg for forgiveness for all my sins, Mother.” Jaehyun knelt before Jungeun.</p><p><br/>
“I will always forgive you, son. So will God. Ask for his forgiveness as well. It is okay.”</p><p><br/>
At that time, Jaehyun felt dirty and humiliated. Almost all night, he didn’t rise from his surrender before his god for an amnesty. A sin that didn’t know since when it was planted. A sin that came out of nowhere. Jaehyun was frantic, and hesitated. His heart was also ill restrained all that, until one day, he returned to face Jungeun and the entire church.</p><p><br/>
“I live in this abbey. With you. With god who always blesses me. And I’ve been thinking about this carefully…so I decided… that I want to live a life of celibacy.”<br/>
All the nuns, monks, and priest there were surprised by his saying. They had mixed emotions. Jungen even shed her happy tears. Their little Gaenari seemed to return its miracle.</p><p><br/>
Since Jaehyun had been active in parish activities as from he was a kid, Jaehyun immediately attended seminary in Madrid for about four years, to then be validated. In Madrid, Jaehyun was serving pastoral moment and a few times later, he returned to Garachico. Back to serve together with his family.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
It was a sunny summer in 1967. As bright as a certain figure standing in Garachico during the mass with his great charm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>1.</p><p> </p><p>“Con permiso,” he said innocently.</p><p><br/>
People of the monastery who were sitting in a circle in the hall, while also telling stories, suddenly stopped their moment. Jungeun stood up to reply, “Buenos tardes. Can we help you?”</p><p><br/>
The boy entered the monastery a little nervously. Making him looked even more dazzling. “I’m Taeyong, umh, I coincidentally passing by here, and am thinking of visiting? Is it okay?”</p><p><br/>
“Oh, you’re Korean.” Jungeun approached him to give a warm welcome. “Join us, please. Koreans should treat each other like family.”</p><p><br/>
Their church was indeed small, but the sense of kinship they shared was quite well-known to all citizens of Korean blood in Garachico, or basically even those from Asia in general. Taeyong was one of them that time. He told everybody about him being a student of La Laguna University. While he was enjoying his summer vacation, he also planned to explore other corners of Tenerife, until he finally got here. At a routine meeting after the Mass.</p><p><br/>
Not only filled in by nuns, monks, deacons, and priests. Gaenari was like a second home to the community. As it was then, some people were sitting in a circle while confiding and sharing some stories to the church dwellers. Almost like a confession act, but this was more informal.</p><p><br/>
“La Laguna is very far away,” another nun said, as Taeyong sat in a chair provided by Jungeun. Her name was Kim Mikyung. “My grandmother was from Garachico, but since she was gone, so I decided to stay at her hous, which has been empty for so long.”</p><p><br/>
“I’m sorry, dear.” A mid-aged woman gripped Taeyong hand. “Thank you, but it’s all fine.”</p><p><br/>
“And how about your parents?” another one asked. Asian style, always blunt when asking personal question.</p><p><br/>
“They are in South Korea.”</p><p><br/>
Shortly, thereafter, Jungeun and the othe occupants were standing up once again to greet someone who had just arrived. “My son…” She changed like a little girl who couldn’t help herself to hug her favorite doll. Yes, Jung Jaehyun just arrived again in Garachico. He greeted everyone, person by person, with a friendly and soothing smile. Very handsome, wearing a pale-blue clergy shirt, and a neat hairstyle that he combed back.</p><p><br/>
That’s where the first time their two eyes met.</p><p><br/>
“Father, I’ll introduce you to our new friend, Taeyong from La Laguna Unversity,” Mikyung said without further ado.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun flanked his robe on one arm to shake Taeyong’s hand. The latter was standing and smilling kindly. “Pleased to meet you, Father.”</p><p><br/>
“I’m Jaehyun.” In less than three seconds, the handshake was immediately detached. Jaehyun looked back at all his relatives with a grin, and then excused himself to his room. “Please contune.”</p><p><br/>
And three seconds later, the circle of chairs was full again by the people. Taeyong sat in between. Untill the event was over, Jaehyun no longer showed up from the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>2.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of a clinking pot, slices of vegetables, a boiling water, and scraping feet were adorning the monastery’s kitchen. As usual, when the priests stopped by, the dining table in Gaenari would look more fuller than it used to be. The puffs of seaweed soup wafted throughout the room.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun was accompanying the elders in the hall. Playing the piano, while also singing many Christian songs. His beautiful voice made the old monks and nuns shake their bodies left and right. Along with the squeeking sound of the canary birds outside, Jaehyun’s voice became more melodious. Keep in mind, Gaenari was very different from other monasteries in Europe. Gaenari had two dromitories for women and men each, and oftenly they compleneted each other in carrying out their daily activities. They had certain restrictions, of course, but they did not want it to be a barrier, and blocked themselves to always worship under the auspices of the Jesus Christ.</p><p><br/>
After that, Jungeun would usually call them to fill the table whenever the food was ready.</p><p><br/>
“Mother.” Jaehyun called Jungeun who was busy preparing dishes for the elders. He fixed Jungeun’s veil which was rather inclined. “You look so pretty today.”</p><p><br/>
“I’m just happy you’re here, my little mijo.” She stroked his son’s cheek lovely.</p><p><br/>
They finally sat on their respective seats - There are not many dwellers at Gaenari. In total, there were eight nuns, including Nana as its oldest one, three monks, and some priests who did not always stay- Compactly, they all prayed, led by Jaehyun. Everyone looked down with their fists clenched, and ended it with a cross sign by their right hand. The plates that were facedown are now overturned, so breakfast was eaten.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun’s activities in Tenerife were his favorite zeal, rather than when he served in Madrid, nor Barcelona. For him, living here was more soothing. No kidding, because it was his home. Not so thundering, and very quiet. In the morning, Jaehyun would walk to the Catholic school in the city to teach. He would greet all the neighbors he met. He would wave at them who were watering the plants, who was about to work, who wanted to go to the market, even those who only basked their bodies in the sun.</p><p><br/>
“Buenos dias, Ella,” Jaehyun greeted a middle-aged woman who was taking her dog on foot. “Buenos dias, Father. No wonder, the sun shines so bright right now. It turns out you’re here.”</p><p><br/>
“Your smile made it so. Gracias.”</p><p><br/>
“Buenos dias, Antonio. Como estas?” Jaehyun greeted again to his black friend who had just parked his bicycle in the yard. “Morning, Father. Muy bien, gracias. Go to school?”</p><p><br/>
“Yes. It’s been so long I didn’t teach. Have a good day.”</p><p><br/>
The citizens liked Jaehyun’s friendly attitude. This man had authority, though, but he never showed it off excessively to the people around him.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun also liked Garachico more than anyone. The buildings and its architecture were very typical of Spain. Splashed with evocative colors, especially orange. The sunshine here as well was the best, according to him. After completing some hours at school, Jaehyun would be re-called to visit the hospital, or to preach. Jaehyun prefered to call it ‘a dialogue’ by the way. Later on, he would come to another church to lead a marriage, giving the sacraments, etc. And so on, until the day was over. He’s doing it gracefully.</p><p><br/>
At the group meeting that week, the circle of chairs at Gaenari widened even further and full. Many new visitors came spending their holidays. And Jaehyun’s eyes were again locked by the presence of the boy’s figure. Lee Taeyong. Sitting with straight brunete hair, and a neat pastel-colored shirt.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun sat in the middle seat. He weedled the audience to speak, and listened to their saying. “I never stop thanking god. My bed-time is never disturbed by the sounds of bomb explosions, and war. I am grateful, that my grandchildren didn’t have to experience what I experienced then.” An old man said.</p><p><br/>
“Right. We must always be grateful for this peace-time, and pray that there will be no more world wars.” Jaehyun replied. “Blessings are those who bring peace, because they will be called the children of God.”</p><p><br/>
In unison, they answered. “Amen.”</p><p><br/>
“What departemen are you majoring in, Taeyong-ssi?” Jungeun asked motherly.</p><p><br/>
Taeyong slightly straightened himself up. “Philosophy, Sister.”</p><p><br/>
“How many semesters have it been now?” She asked again.</p><p><br/>
“It’s almost the last one. Praise to God.”</p><p><br/>
Everyone also responded. “Congratulations! We wish you the best of luck, dear.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun also congratulated him as lowly as possible, to the point where he’s the only one able to hear.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>3.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning, Father.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun turned to the person who greeted him. On his way home from the market, Taeyong accidentally met Jaehyun.</p><p><br/>
“Oh, good morning… Taeyong-ssi? Isn’t it?” He spelled Taeyong’s name very carefully.</p><p><br/>
“Yes, me.” Taeyong smiled. “Where are you going, Father?”</p><p><br/>
“To the abbey. I just got off from school.” Jaehyun answered a little bit clumsily. “You?”</p><p><br/>
The latter showed his rattan basket filled with breads. “From the bakery. Father, do you want some? This blueberry croissant is so delicious.”</p><p><br/>
“It’s okay. Thank you,” Jaehyun refused as friendly as possible, until Taeyong himself didn’t dare to offer him again.</p><p><br/>
“Okay then. Have a nice day.”</p><p><br/>
“You too.”</p><p><br/>
Unexpectedly, they both had the same direction to go. On a side street in the city, by the edge of a cliff. The beach breeze blew quite coolly. From where they walked, the silhouete of Gaenari came into sight at the edge of the village, plus those waves that hit down the cliff. “Taeyong-ssi, do you live around here too?”</p><p><br/>
He nodded. “My house is only two blocks away from Gaenari. There it is.” Taeyong showed a modest house adorned with a pretty little garden, in a narrow alley.</p><p><br/>
“You have a beautiful house.” Jaehyun grinned. “But, isn’t it too far, if you live here, and you’re also a student of La Laguna University?”</p><p><br/>
“It’s holiday time, Father. I will come back to La Laguna, as soon as the new semester starts.”</p><p><br/>
“Ah, I see.”</p><p><br/>
Sometimes, things could be quiet and a little awkward. This time, Taeyong tried to break down his introvert side and started for another conversation. “Gaenari looks very beautiful from here.”</p><p><br/>
“Yeah.” Jaehyun held up facing the corner of the cliff where it stood. “That’s why, I always find a reason to return.”</p><p><br/>
“So, where did you stay before?”</p><p><br/>
“Madrid. Nearly six years there.”</p><p><br/>
“Ah, I really want to go Madrid,” Taeyong tilted his head. Or rather an expression for his own mind that he always wanted to go to Madrid, but still couldn’t make it.</p><p><br/>
“You should go there. The cathedrals in Madrid are amazing.”</p><p><br/>
“Perhaps, I need to pull my courage together to cross the island solely first.” Taeyong grinned slightly , and the atmosphere returned to quietness once again, somehow.</p><p><br/>
“I don’t know if I will have another chance to tell you this, but I’m very sorry to hear about your loss.” Jaehyun said as gently as possible.</p><p><br/>
Taeyong only nodded as a response. But his smile never faded. Even untill when he almost arrived at the front of his house. “I guess, I’ll see you again, Father.”</p><p><br/>
“It was nice meeting you.” Jaehyun stopped for a moment as he started to think about something. “Eng… Taeyong-ssi, there will be a birthday celebration, a tiny merry meeting, for Sister Mikyung in the abbey. If you want, uh I mean, if you please, you can come join us.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong tilted his head thoughtfully, and then he grinned again, even more bewitching. “Let me see how I can move some things around.”</p><p><br/>
“Can’t complain,” Jaehyun shrugged in agreement. Finally, the two of them really separated at the fork and returned to their respective homes.</p><p><br/>
“Bye,” Taeyong also said a polite farewell, as he bowed his head a bit. And Jaehyun rised his one hand briefly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>4.</p><p> </p><p>That night, Jaehyun was laying in his room, and he stared at the ceiling for almost an hour straight. Eventually, over the years Jaehyun served, now he no longer felt empty. There’s new friends saying ‘<em>hello</em>’ in his heart, they were <em>acceptance</em> and <em>repentance</em>. For that reason, Jaehyun pulled his cross necklace right above his chest. Hoping Jesus could separate both of them. And Jaehyun believed him.</p><p><br/>
From the outside of his room, Jaehyun heard some footsteps of the other monks who had entered their rooms. The lights in the hallway had also been turned off. Jaehyun could see it from the ventilation door. Once again, Jaehyun tried to stare at the ceiling. Trying to break through the real sky. He kept thinking about that. Untill finally Jaehyun fell asleep and dreamed.</p><p><br/>
When Jaehyun opened his eyes, everything he saw was nothing but an endless desert. Fierce and arid. There was nobody could be seen. Only him. And a cactus that stood tall, the saguaro one. The size was rather shorter than Jaehyun. Instantly, he realized, the cactus was the only living thing that survived there. So, Jaehyun should be the same.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>5.</p><p> </p><p>The night of Sister Mikyung’s birthday came. Celebrated with a small party, and attended by the community members as usual. Everyone who gathered there dressed very neatly. Including Jaehyun who was sitting and playing the piano with his best clergy shirt. Natty and so dashing. His hair was also slick, and not to mention that awesome smell of his body, though.</p><p><br/>
“Our Priest looks very handsome tonight,” Jungeun praised.</p><p><br/>
“Definitely. People even think he’s the main star right now, not me.” Mikyung sneered full of jokes.</p><p><br/>
They both were sitting together, under the dim-yellow light, with the background of the guests enjoying the banquet, and Jaehyun’s performance. Mikyung suddenly chattered, “Taeyong… that kid is absent, huh?” She looked around the room.</p><p><br/>
“Seems so. I wonder why?”</p><p><br/>
Mikyung stared at Jungeun for a moment, then returned to watching Jaehyun’s play. “He’s a griet priest. He’ll be fine. We’ll be fine… there’s nothing to worry about.”</p><p><br/>
A few minutes later, a deacon came to Mikyung with a gift box. “Who is it from” She asked.</p><p><br/>
“The postman said it’s from Taeyong-ssi.”</p><p><br/>
Mikyung’s face looked very bright when she saw the box. She opened it excitedly. A purple silk pajama. It’s so soft, that it almost made Mikyung cried. From the box, there was also a letter. It said, “<em>happy birthday, Sister Mikyung. My apologies, I couldn’t attend tonight’s event. –love, Taeyong.</em>”</p><p><br/>
Mikyung faced Jungeun while holding her emotion. “He’s such a sweet boy.”</p><p><br/>
Whilst Mikyung was enjoying her happy moment, the deacon had now gone to Jaehyun’s room. Since Gaenari had all dorm-like rooms, each dweller would easily enter and leave the room in a well manner. Of course, under the conditions of not touching any private stuff. So he walked in, placed the letter on Jaehyun’s desk, and walked out. That was it. No more, no less.</p><p><br/>
As soon as Jaehyun finished singing, he was told about the thing. At first, Jaehyun felt kind of upset because one button was off, when the other ones were holding on so thight. That letter was enough to fill the spaces in Jaehyun’s heart. Not very long, but it was nicely written. He read it carefully, word to word, line by line, until his lips unconsciously carved a smile of relief.</p><p><br/>
“<em>Dear Father Jaehyun,</em><br/>
<em>Sorry that I couldn’t make it to the party tonight. I have to attend a workshop to support my thesis. I believe you guys were having fun.</em><br/>
<em>Sincerely, Taeyong Lee</em>.”</p><p><br/>
In the dim light, Jaehyun also carved some words on a piece of paper. A medium that connected the Acceptance and the Repentance. He wrote it with a quill and ink. Without any mistake. Jaehyun wrote it carefully. In a silence. Without any single person knowing the process of their dialogue.</p><p><br/>
The night was receding. Sister Mikyung’s birthday party was very joyful. And now everything was back to their respective roles. After breakfast, Jaehyun left to teach at school. On the way there, he briefly stopped at the post office in discreet. Without him knowing, the snowball started to roll right there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>6.</p><p> </p><p>In the 1960s, the dollar experienced quite sever inflation. That affected the economy of importers in Spain, including the fishermen from the Korean community in Tenerife. They were busy taking care of the fishing stuff outside the island. And Jaehyun took the advantage of that condition to move away form people’s attention, as well as possible.</p><p><br/>
A week later, Jungeun asked Jaehyun for a help on delivering the fish to the distributor. Koreans could’t be underestimated when it came to the fish market. They really loved seafood. From the backyard of the abbey, rows of barrels with various types of fish, octopus, and lobster began to be moved into the truck. Wheter because the lack of caffeine, or he was actually tripping, Jaehyun fell down when he wanted to carry one barrel. The pounding of his body on the floor surprised everyone.</p><p><br/>
“Son, are you alright?” Jungeun asked in a panicked voice.</p><p><br/>
The truck drivers, and several dwellers approached Jaehyun to help him sit in a chair. He stretched his sprained leg while also holding up the pain.</p><p><br/>
“Just a minor sprain. Really. Mother, don’t worry,” Jaehyun replied to calm Jungeun from being anxious. Yet, to be frankly honest, he was really hurting.</p><p><br/>
The first-aid kit was dismantled, and applied to Jaehyun’s ankle. He suddenly remembered the first time he learned riding a bike. The moment was exactly like this. Jungeun freaked out real bad, and she immediately treated him like a pro-nurse. “You can take a rest now. I will call Johnny for the back-up.”</p><p><br/>
“But I can do it, Mother.”</p><p><br/>
“Son.” Jungeun looked at Jaehyun pleadingly, until she finally realized something. Jaehyun’s eye bags hung like someone who just got home from a severe overtime at the factory. “What happened to your eyes? Are you lacking sleep?”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun’s face immediately turned flat, as he tried to hide them from Jungeun’s eagle eyes. “It’s just… I read too many books lately.”</p><p><br/>
“아이구, I shouldn’t have asked you to come here… please, have some rest. I’ll brink some vitamin later.” She said, as she storked Jaehyun’s head.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun still kept his head down, and slowly he stood up to go inside the monastery hobblingly. Plus, he still tried to be polite when Jungeun insisted to lead him into the room.</p><p>“Mother, it’s okay… The fish should be taken away to the distributor very soon. I can take care of myself, trust me.” He said it as calmly, and as warmly as possible.</p><p><br/>
“Alright then. I hope you recover soon.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun nodded politely in return.</p><p><br/>
It was only when Jaehyun was in his room, the painful look on his face was finally shown. He grimaced as he continued to walk towards the bed. While he also stretching his leg, Jaehyun stared at his reflecten on the mirror. No wonder Jungeun asked, Jaehyun’s eye bags made him looked like a ghost. He really needed to rest a lot now.</p><p><br/>
The next day, Jehyun was still in his room. His ankle was a bit better now. Since dinner, Jaehyun rapidly left the other outside, and excused himself to go to the room again. This time, he was getting ready for something. Dressed neatly with his nicest shirt. He purposely didn’t spray any perfume on his clothes beforehand, so he won’t tease anyone with such smells. Jaehyun still sat on the desk, while constantly staring at the ventilation door. Waiting for all lights to be turned off.</p><p><br/>
Shortly thereafter, what Jaehyun was waiting for, happened. Slowly and carefully, he walked out leaving the monastery without any sound left behind. At all. Towards the backyard, Jaehyun took a bicycle. After passing through the gate, then he sprinkled the cologne on his shirt. The scent that <em>he</em> really liked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>7.</p><p>“Everything ready?” Jaehyun asked behind the piano to the choir members, which including all the dwellers.</p><p><br/>
“Ready,” they answered in unison.</p><p><br/>
With a smile that showing off his neat teeth, Jaehyun led the hymn in the church after Mass. The congregation who sat in line also sang along. Including a boy in his 20s among them. For just one point in a second, both of their two eyes met, and everything looked normal. There was no excessive attention, or a sneak glance like some teenagers with less experience.</p><p><br/>
A priest and a congregant.</p><p><br/>
The cellos echoed, accompanied by violins, and a beautiful piano melody.</p><p><br/>
“<em>O, most holy one. O, most lowly one. Loving virgin, Mary. Mother of thender love. Queen of the heavens above. Pray for us below</em>….”</p><p><br/>
Not a single person did this, except for Jaehyun and Taeyong who looked up. Facing the painting of the Virgin Mary who was sitting, holding her son dearly. Unconditionally loving. Free from the prison of life. A mother who undterstood and heard her son’s coinscience, eventhough when it’s voiceless.</p><p><br/>
In the silence of the two of them, there was a coherent prayer lifting up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>8.</p><p> </p><p>The moon was shining brightly that night. Next to the largest bank building in Garachico, Jaehyun sat on its large window beam made of marble. He leaned his bike against the wall, so he could wait for Taeyong’s arrival. Undaunted, even though the night wind blew coldly.</p><p><br/>
After half an hour of waiting, the latter’s silhouette appeared. Even from afar, Jaehyun was able to see his smile. Because that was the most conspicuous shine on him. Meetings like this had been going on for a few times already, but they both still sparked shyness. Some of the time, Jaehyun and Taeyong could only smile at each other. No talk, until Jaehyun finally offered a ride to Taeyong, and they were ready to go a little further from the city. From Gaenari.</p><p><br/>
On a terrace decorated with stone benches beside the cliff, Jaehyun stopped his bike. Casually, Taeyong in the back dropped down, and waited for Jaehyun to finish parking his wheel. Nobody was there, except them. And that’s what they looked for.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun offered his palm so Taeyong could have something to grip. The younger man accepted it with joy. A splash of warmth was streamed when their hands clasped together. This time, Jaehyun invited Taeyong to sit on one of the rocks, because hanging around the city was off limit. Heedfully, Taeyong also took out a thermos of black coffee for the two of them to kill the night.</p><p><br/>
“How’s your ankle now?” Taeyong began a conversation.</p><p><br/>
“Couldn’t be better. Otherwise, how can I hitch the bike all the way here?” He replied in amusement, while sipping the coffe that Taeyong served. “Uh, the coffee is delicious.”</p><p><br/>
“I got the beans from Italy. A friend of mine gave me some.” Taeyeong was kinda flushed. “How was the catch yesterday, Father?”</p><p><br/>
Hearing Taeyong called him that, made Jaehyun tightened up their griped hands. “Can I request something?”</p><p><br/>
“Yes?”</p><p><br/>
“Please, call me Jaehyun… Hyung… Anything, but Father.”</p><p><br/>
“Sure. I’m sorry… <em>hyung</em>.”</p><p><br/>
“Cool.”</p><p><br/>
“Hmmm.” Taeyong shrugged with a frown. “Still sounds strange. We are 12 years apart. I should have called you something more polite, like, another honorable one, rather than just hyung.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun chuckled. “Get used to it from now on.”</p><p><br/>
They both smiled at each other once again. Under the moonlight, they continued to share their chapter and verse. Actually, no matter how pretty the scenery of the place they were sitting on, Jaehyun was more interested in one object. Taeyong himself. And everything the kid said that always made Jaehyun absorbed.</p><p><br/>
“Did you see it? We have a lot in common,” Jaehyun chattered all of a sudden.</p><p><br/>
“In… what?”</p><p><br/>
“Since I was younger, I never new who my biological parents are, until now I live alone –of course the nuns, and the monks always take good care of me- but I’ve also wondered about many things,” Jaehyun explained almost everything. “And you… you live in Tenerife…all by yourself… aren’t we sharing the same fate?”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong gave him a frown as a response. “And… we are also sharing the same feelings. What a surprise, huh?”</p><p><br/>
“Well, quite something, isn’t it?” Jaehyun was very statisfied by his own opinion. While Taeyong just shrugged it off.</p><p><br/>
“Want to go for a ride, again?” Jaehyun suggested something, after they were silent for a moment. Not to mention the coffee that Taeyong brought had all been downed too. Rather than voicing it out, because he was an introverted young man, Taeyong nodded excitedly instead.</p><p><br/>
At that moment, they biked down, rounding the outskirts of the city with Taeyong sitting at the back flanking Jaehyun’s hip. There’s almost no other corner to explore. Many shops and cafes have closed, considering it was 2am in the morning. The streets were also quiet, so Taeyong and Jaehyun chose to just walk on the sidewalks. They were not holding hands, because Jaehyun’s were busy guiding his bike.</p><p><br/>
“I just have no idea, why are there so many Korean communities here in Spain?” Taeyong said whatever crossed his mind at the time.</p><p><br/>
“Uh, during the first world war, the majority of our people’s livelihoods were fishermen.” Jaehyun explained some little knowledge he got. “Sister Jungeun told me, at the beginning of the 19th century, we tried to find a safe place from the Empire of Japan’s sovereignty.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong liked it when Jaehyun mentioned ‘<em>we</em>’ as if he hadn’t forgotten his identity. He continued again. “Some of us joined the traders from Europe, and went to the west. Until determinately, they spreaded across the country, and finally we all arrived in Spain. On their trip to Tenerife, there was one person who brought the forsythia flowers. Uh, it turned out to be flourishing and well planted. So, until our monastery was built, the name of it came from the flower. Gaenari.”</p><p><br/>
“That’s so wicked. I’m grateful they chose Tenerife to start a new life. Right to this moment, I have never been sick and tired of its sceneries.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun turned to look at Taeyong with a grin. “Me too.”</p><p><br/>
After walking a few meters away, Taeyong couldn’t help himself but yawned. “You want to go home?” Jaehyun asked attentively.</p><p><br/>
The latter nodded. His eyelids became really heavy. “I think we also need to change our timetable to meet, if Sister Jungeun has started asking about your scary eye bags.”</p><p><br/>
“Well, you’re right. Have you been thinking, when is the best time for us to meet later?"</p><p><br/>
Taeyong looked like he was thinking about something. “Every 3, or 4am in the morning? You can sleep early, instead of having to lack some sleep again.”</p><p><br/>
“Deal.” Jaehyun nodded in agreement. “Next Wednesday. Four in the morning. Next to the bank. Cool?”</p><p><br/>
Although he was sleepy, Taeyong smiled freshly at their planned meeting next week. “Can’t complain.”</p><p><br/>
“Come up, let me take you home,” Jaehyun offered the back seat of his bike. However, Taeyong refused. He wanted to play safe, like the other day, when they went home separately.</p><p><br/>
“We better go singly.”</p><p><br/>
At the split lines of the city, Jaehyun and Taeyong hugged each other before they met again later.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>9.</p><p> </p><p>The clanging bell echoed throughout the abbey in the very morning. A sign that all the dwellers were ready to start a new day. After only sleeping for two hours, Jaehyun had to wake up earlier, because previously he asked the people of the monastery to continue treating him the same way as when he wasn’t a priest.</p><p><br/>
“Brother, wake up. Prayer time,” Jaehyun said it quietly to the other monks who were fast asleep.</p><p><br/>
In a dim hall, Jaehyun tried to light up the candles in all corners to the church. Then, he would also collect the blankets, the sheets, and some dirty clothes of the elders to be put into the laundry basket. While waiting for the water streaming down to the tub, Jaehyun kept yawning widely to reduce listlessness. The water should greet his skin as soon as possible so that he could become fresh again.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun’s next task was to lead the morning prayer at the church. Until then, he still had to resist his drowsiness, before Jaehyun could go back to sleep for an hour. He needed lots of stamina to do some activities at school afterwards.</p><p><br/>
“<em>Adeul</em>, this your meal/” Jungeun gave Jaehyun a lunchbox full of kimbap.</p><p><br/>
“Thank you, Mother. I must be going now.” Jaehyun bowed a little, but the redness in his eyes couldn’t be hidden. Even from Jungen. After he went out riding his bike, Jungeun who was like a mother to the kid slowly walked out to the backyard of the monastery. Looking at the horizon, embracing the wind, with a daunted heart.</p><p><br/>
On the other hand, Jaehyun was touring to every corner of the city. Hoping to meet Taeyong, by some random chances. Because at that time, there was no mobile phone that made it easy for them to communicate. Jaehyun spent hour and hour sitting next to the bank building, while enjoying an ice cream. After that, he returned to explore some other places. And it was still the same. Jaehyun didn’t seem to see him.</p><p><br/>
Except for a postman, who accidentally passed on him on his way home. “Father, wait!”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun spontaneously stopped his bike. “Yes, sir? Got something for me?” Even Jaehyun could still looked very friendly.</p><p><br/>
“You pulled a fast one on me. Another letter here,” He said, which immediately made Jaehyun’s attention rose to its peak. The fawn envelope changed hands, from the postman to the intended subject.</p><p><br/>
“Thank you, sir.” Jaehyun gave a small tip for the postman, and then excused himself. He pushed the pedal to an alley, so Jaehyun could read the letter from Taeyong religiously.</p><p><br/>
“<em>My dear hyung,</em><br/>
<em>I want to say sorry, that we won’t be able to meet again for another week. Because apparently I have to do some tasks in La Laguna. Mea culpa. –sincerely, Taeyong</em>.”</p><p><br/>
The rumbling of the dark clouds echoed from afar. They were ready to sweep Tenerife that afternoon. Coequal to Jaehyun’s rumbling heart. For a few moments, he felt confused and disappointed. Therefore, he pulled his bike back to visit Taeyong’s house. Before the rain dropped down on the ground. Before everything was too late.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun dared himself to go to Taeyong’s house. He tried to knock on the doors very carefully. And soon after that, the person he’s been thinking about since this morning began to appear.</p><p><br/>
“Pastor?” Taeyong called him that way, as if he was trying to reinforce their respective roles.</p><p><br/>
“Can we talk for a second?” Jaehyun asked, and Taeyong quickly nodded his head, even though he was also kind of surprised by Jaehyun’s sudden visit.</p><p><br/>
“Sure.” Taeyong widened the door, so Jaehyun could walk inside. “Please, come in.”</p><p><br/>
Once they entered the house, Jaehyun immediately spoke to the point. “Firstly, I’m so sorry for coming here very abruptly, I hope you don’t find it inappropriate… Taeyong-ssi… I have something to ask, are you really moving to La Laguna?”</p><p><br/>
By his expression, it was clear how Taeyong was calculating the urgency that made Jaehyun come to his house just to ask that question. In response, Taeyong nodded stiffly.</p><p>“Yes. You have read the letter, haven’t you?”</p><p><br/>
“I have… so, can I come along?” That last question rolled out by itself. Undesirable. Oh, well, it could be so, but Jaehyun himself was shocked by that.</p><p><br/>
“I beg your pardon?” Taeyong frowned as he became more surprised.</p><p><br/>
“I also want to go to La Laguna… keep you company.”</p><p><br/>
“Father, I’m finishing my journal for my thesis. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”</p><p><br/>
“It’s okay. I can stay somewhere else. I just want us to spend some more time freely. Like literally. Without worrying about other things.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong could not bear to refuse after listening to Jaehyun’s strong and siencere tone. He thought, maybe, everything could be perfected along the journey, from Garachico to La Laguna later. With a heavy sigh, Taeyong responded. “I go on Sunday. 4pm. If you’re fixed to join, I’ll wait at the intersection near Genoves.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun got his tongue-tied. He was afraid he won’t make it, because on Sunday, he had a schedule to lead the Mass. And apparently, it was Thrusday that time. It took a real careful planning, in order to travel far without being suspected by Jungeun. “Okay, I’ll wind up there early.”</p><p><br/>
Coming home from Taeyong’s house, Jaehyun biked with a branched mind. Before he could pull away all his distress, a rainstorm dropped all its water in a single giant drop on Jaehyun’s way back home.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>10.</p><p> </p><p>“La Laguna?” Jungeun asked in a complete surprise. A very typical of an Asian mother.</p><p><br/>
“Eh… yes, Mother. Very hasty. I can not refuse myself from going.”</p><p><br/>
“Why doesn’t your friend from Madrid stop by our city?”</p><p><br/>
“He himself decided this. There’s now way I could insist him to come here.”</p><p><br/>
Jungeun was stunned to hear that, but she couldn’t do anything about it either. “Please take care of yourself. My prayers are always with you”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun kissed Jungeun on the cheek quickly, then he said goodbye to her. To Mikyung, and the others. A red Mercedes 190SL that had been trapped in a garage for almost a month, was now began to function again. As promised, Jaehyun went to the end of the city to pick up his special friend. Unexpectedly, Taeyong was already standing near the roadside bench with a tucked flannel shirt, and a beret that made him look adorable.</p><p><br/>
“It’s not four yet?” The first question that came out of Jaehyun’s mouth , after helping Taeyong put his bag in the backseat.</p><p><br/>
“You’ve been waiting for me all this time, and I don’t want you to do it anymore.” Taeyong answered calmly with a grin that always made Jaehyun’s heart mild. They both sat in the front, as Jaehyun immediately gave Taeyong a bouquet of forsythias that he had picked from the garden.</p><p><br/>
“Means we have one extra hour, huh?” Jaehyun grinned in amusement even more. “Where do you want to go first?”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong lost his mind. He giggled and shook his head. “Please, go directly to my campus.”</p><p><br/>
“On it, your highness.”</p><p><br/>
While driving, Jaehyun turned on the radio, and coincidentally Connie Steven’s Sixteen Reasons was playing. Taeyong loved that song. It made him lean his head on both hands which he put behind his neck. Driving for almost two hours, with an open car, a pair of shades, and the loved one sitting next to him. That day was the most memorable moment of their lives.</p><p><br/>
The life in the 1960s was indeed extraordinary. How those times became a transitional period between war and peace. Every year, they would hear great news of independence roars from other colonized countries. Not to mention the legendary first photograph of Mars, that was a hot topic for years. Mini skirts were also a huge trend among women. The time-evolution was very noticeable. And at the same exact time, Jaehyun broke down the concrete wall of his whole believe system, and led his heart to a decent person.</p><p><br/>
“While you are staying in the hostel, I’m gonna stay at Sogno di Rio. Ten minutes from the Cathedral.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong nodded in agreement after he got out of the car. The two of them must separate for a while. “I’ll be waiting at the cafeteria near the campus. Tomorrow afternoon.”</p><p><br/>
“Nice. Take it easy.”</p><p><br/>
“Bye,” Taeyong waved and finally he entered the hostel.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>11.</p><p> </p><p>At least 3 days, Jaehyun had to go back and forth, from the hotel to other places for a date. Like this afternoon, the fourth time Taeyong sat in a café, waiting for Jaehyun’s arrival while he also enjoying a plate of Churros con Chocolate. In front of him, there was a television that airing the very first episode of Star Trek. Taeyong’s waiting session was never hard here. Shortly thereafter, Jaehyun arrived by his car. And again, they returned to spend time alone together around La Laguna.</p><p><br/>
Paella, albondigas, and two glasses of tequila were served in front of them. This time, Jaehyun immediately took Taeyong to a restaurant, because he wanted them to spend as much time as possible. “I always love paella. A big fan one here.”</p><p><br/>
“Right? I’m happy someone found the recipe. Not all heroes wear capes.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong rarely pray before the meal, but thanks to that moment yesterday they both dated. Making him a little alerted, so Taeyong could be more well-behaved. This time, Taeyong was no longer reckless to grab a spoon. He closed his eyes together with Jaehyun, and started praying.</p><p><br/>
After that super-early dinner, Taeyong wanted to watch a flick, and Jaehyun agreed quickly. <em>The Producers.</em> Of course, they needed some laugh and forgot the lightless side of themselves for a moment. Jaehyun had never ever felt this happy. Taeyong’s sweet laugh was such a healing, and he was also surprised to hear the sound of his loose laughter, which had been disappeared from Jaehyun’s life ever since.</p><p><br/>
“It was so funny, gahh, I even shed some tears,” Taeyong added as they walked out from the theater.</p><p><br/>
“Hahaha. I wish Tenerife had a broadway show as entertaining as the film.”</p><p><br/>
“Ugh, that would be perfect.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun decided to leave his car parked beside the road, while they decided to continue walking and chit-chatting. The farther their footsteps were, the deeper the talking.<br/>
“I hate it, when the sky is about to rain now. That’s the sign of no more summertime.” Taeyong complained when they heard the thundering storm from afar.</p><p><br/>
“Why does it sound like the rain have wounded you or something?”</p><p><br/>
“Of course, it did. They always steal my sunny, nautical day. Not to mention the muddiness, and wet.”</p><p><br/>
“Shocking, huh? I thought all philosophy students would see the rain with deeper meanings.”</p><p><br/>
“I’m one of a kind.” While enjoying a cigar, Taeyong asked Jaehyun more serious questions. It was pretty normal for a soft kid like Taeyong to smoke at that time. “Hyung, have you ever hoped that none of this should’ve happened?”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun focused starring at his footsteps, as he tried to be more serious as well. <em>All of this</em>. Taeyong’s question just now felt as cold as the night breeze that blew over his soul. “I have… yeah… many times.”</p><p><br/>
“So?”</p><p><br/>
“That thought came when I was alone, even when I was praying… but strangely, when I am alone with you, it seems like, all my anxiety, my doubt, and my pain, they all disappeared in one snap. I feel clean. I feel all of it is worthy. I feel like I am who I really am.”</p><p><br/>
“Same…” Taeyong put out his cigar, because it was useless to smoke while also having to deal with strong winds. “I always thought that, it was all my fault… that I shouldn’t have come to Gaenari from the beginning.”</p><p><br/>
“God never carelessly determines the destiny of his people. And I’m sure, we both are planned to meet, in order to witness his enormous blessings.”</p><p><br/>
“What if we get caught, somehow?”</p><p><br/>
“Let’s just make sure they don’t know.”</p><p><br/>
Taeyong was a little flustered hearing that answer. “You mean, the two of us will continue being like this forever? Do you think, we will continue to have the energy to hide? It’s been almost a month.”</p><p><br/>
Although, Taeyong said it as subtle and understanding as possible, but his words were succesfull on making Jaehyun a little speechless. “I’m dealing with this now. We both are. But hopefully there will be an easier way in the future. I’ve even been hiding for nearly forty years, of course I got my limits as well.”</p><p><br/>
“Oh, I’m so sorry, hyung. It’s not my intention to put a burden on you… I just think we rarely talk about this much.” Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun’s hand. “You deserve to be happy.”</p><p><br/>
Shortly afterwards, it was drizzling in La Laguna. Taeyong quickly pulled Jaehyun’s arm and ran towards the shelter, because the rain was getting heavier and heavier. They both laughed. A sastified laugh. For Jaehyun himself, this was an incredible experience. This was his loudest call. He should stop imprisoning himself from now on.</p><p><br/>
Taeyong and Jaehyun still continued walking through the colorful buildings. Until they were really trapped. Luckily, Jaehyun didn’t forget to close the roof of his car, so the stuffs there were still safe and dry. While standing arm in arm, Taeyong looked at Jaehyun with a gesture, “what now?” and immediately, both of Jaehyun’s eyes noticed a pamphlet above their heads. A motel. It was better to protect themselves from the cold first, considering that, the rain didn’t seem to stop any sooner.</p><p><br/>
This decision was spontaneous, and they had no other choice.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun booked a room with double beds. They were still giggling, and walked into the room right after. Taeyong quickly grabbed a towel and wiped off Jaehyun’s hair. Yes, he wiped his boyfriend first, rather than himself who was just as drenched. Jaehyun could see the perfect shapes of Taeyong’s face very clearly. He was so handsome, and clean. Jaehyun’s heartbeat began to escalate as the time moved forward. It seemed that Taeyong also felt that beat. So, he immediately walked towards the window.</p><p><br/>
“Your car is safe, right?” Taeyong asked nonetheless, with his one hand touched the glass. Right from behind him, a tender hand reached out Taeyong’s shoulder. Jaehyun tried to pull him around, so they both could face one another. He wanted to stare at Taeyong’s eyes a little bit longer than that. And the wall was finally broken down. Slowly, Jaehyun led his lips to meet Taeyong’s ones. Cold, yet so warm, but mostly fantastic.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The next move was no different with the raindrops that swept away all the stains on the road. Making it melt into one concentration. United. Washed. And wet.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>12.</p><p> </p><p>The forysthias that Jaehyun wrinkled languidly.</p><p><br/>
The night rolled, and the sun rose very brightly that time. But that sense of the after-rain was still very much scattered throughout the hotel room. The moistness brought back the memory. And somehow, when Taeyong opened his eyes, he hated the things that were going to happen afterwards.</p><p><br/>
Earlier, Taeyong sat and leaned against the headboard. Stared out the windows, blankly. Just that, he did that for a very long time. His clothes were still spreaded around the floor. Jaehyun was on the opposite side of the bed. They turned their backs on each other.</p><p><br/>
“Im sorr-“</p><p><br/>
“Don’t say that,” Taeyong cut it off quickly.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun started to moved and picked up some of his clothes. “How much longer will you stay in La Laguna?” Jaehyun asked, but it sounded strange. Even to his own ears.</p><p><br/>
“Two more days.” Taeyong started wearing his. “If you want to go to Garachico first. It’s fine.”</p><p><br/>
“No.” There was a pause for a few seconds. “I’ll stay.”</p><p><br/>
<em>No, he doesn’t want to</em>. Taeyong knew that very well. “I mean it. Besides… I’m not sure if I can stand myself hanging around next to you who can’t even stand to see me in the face right now.” Taeyong said it bluntly.</p><p><br/>
“Taeyong-ah.” Jaehyun dared to look at Taeyong who looked so fragile that time. “Sorry to disappoint you.”</p><p><br/>
“Who the hell says I’m disappointed? I was very happy last night.” Taeyong stared back sharply. What a contrast to the bright atmosphere outside. “It’s you who seems so disappointed and sorry.”</p><p><br/>
That one hit Jaehyun really hard. He was unable to speak anymore. “I’m just disappointed that you’re ashamed of what we did last night. I thought we were ready. I thought we both were happy. But I just realized, all this damn time, I still look like a sin in your eyes.” Taeyong immediately cleared all his stuffs, so he could go. “I hope you really come back to Garachico. We both need some alone time.”</p><p><br/>
The door was closed, and left Jaehyun who was standing still, received all the pain in his chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>13.</p><p> </p><p>Passing by all the people in the city, Jaehyun walked on until he finally arrived at the place where his car was parked. Before leaving, Jaehyun took a long shower, hoping that the stains on his body could all be rinsed. But a vague stain could only disappear if he saw it with a different perspective. Desperately, Jaehyun drove his car back to Garachico. To his home.</p><p><br/>
Although he had successfully crossed out of La Laguna, Jaehyun was not completely free from shame and regret. At that time, the rain dropped down again in the middle of his journey. Plus, Jaehyun also needed to step in and rest. He needed to rest his heart from being sick. Therefore, Jaehyun thought about visiting a Cathedral in Puerto de La Cruz for a while. He wanted to ask for forgiveness. But Jaehyun still didn’t feel that looseness. The chaos in his whole believe system seemed to go back to the world war era. He needed someone to judge him. Someone to guide him. Somone who could dictate him. Despite the fact that Jaehyun had the privilege to purify himself as a priest, but it would make him feel even more guilty. So he did met another pastor that day.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun decided to confess. Not himself as a priest, but as a pile of helpless human being.</p><p><br/>
In the quite Cathedral, Jaehyun walked towards the confession room. There, he kneel down before the partition. Trying to spit out the rocks on his throat.</p><p><br/>
“What’s bothering you, son?” The priest asked behind the vent. For several minutes, Jaehyun was a bit blacked-out. Not to mention that holding back his tears was also consuming a lot of energy.</p><p><br/>
“Forgive me, Father… I’ve done something sinful.” Jaehyun confessed with a trembling voice.</p><p><br/>
“I’m listening to you.”</p><p><br/>
Holding back tears, was different from holding back floods by making some dykes. The pain was unprecedented. And for just once, Jaehyun wanted to let that happen. “I am someone my friends and my family trust, and I also wanted God to believe in me. I promised to be someone who could be a role model. I promised that I would always keep myself clean… but, now, I’ve disappointed them. I betrayed them, Father.” Jaehyun groaned. “I did something horrible. Something immoral. The shame that I am bearing right now is so strong. I can’t even stand my own reflection… Father… before I beg for forgiveness, I’m begging for your punishment.”</p><p><br/>
Instead of judging, the Priest was silent. For a long time. Jaehyun almost thought he was sleeping, or left, or something. “Father?”</p><p><br/>
He was not sleeping. He just kept quiet and kept quiet. “Could you please say something? Judge me. Mock me, because I deserve them. Am I not forgiven?”</p><p><br/>
“Son.” Finally he talked. “The I silence I gave was the most effective punishment I could do. I am nobody to blaspheme, and mock you. My silence, hopefully, can keep you alert, that being ignored by the universe is the worst punishment ever. And while the opportunity to repent is still free, let us clean ourselves together. Because a Christian has become a part of the Christ’s body through baptism.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun was sobbing to get that chance. He was saying repentance prayer, as he hoped that everything would be reorganized into a solid block of faith.</p><p><br/>
“Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace. I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”</p><p><br/>
“Amen.”</p><p><br/>
The priest ended the penance, and he also added. “God has forgiven your sins. You may go in peace now, son.”</p><p><br/>
“Thanks be to God. Thank you, Father,” Jaehyun replied by doing the cross sign, and bent his body.</p><p><br/>
After the confession, Jaehyuns still hold some of his emotions left during the trip to Garachico. For some reason, it felt like a long road. It felt even farer than usual.</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun may had confessed, but there was this one thing he didn’t reveal. Something left behind. And Jaehyun chose to let that be, because he thought it was better like that. Jaehyun renovated his whole believe system one more time. They all should be like this. 36 years of mediocre life, it made Jaehyun realize that he really could not jump to another pole. Jaehyun’s place was in Gaenary, always been like that. A catholic monastery, which clearly would oppose it if Jaehyun continued what he had intertwined yesterday. Jaehyun loved Gaenari so much that he didn’t want to disappoint them more.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
On top of everything, how did Jaehyun completely know that?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>14.</p><p> </p><p>A month passed. Summer was really over. The forysthias almost all fallen. But on the birgth side, the activities in the monastery looked just as fine as usual. Jaehyun lived his life like prior to when he met Taeyong.</p><p><br/>
While everyone was sleeping, the elder at the monastery had passed her life. Nana left them in her sleep. The color that was already dark, had become totally dark, and even darker. Everyone was grieving, and Jaehyun didn’t know what to feel anymore when he was appointed to lead the funeral.</p><p><br/>
“Nana loved you very much. He said that Jaehyun had to lead her when she died.” Jungeun stroked Jaehyun’s cheek as he was mourning. “And she wanted you to always be happy.”</p><p><br/>
“I haven’t got the chance to apologize to her.” Jaehyun replied miserably.</p><p><br/>
“She loved you, and she always does. Don’t be sorry, my little <em>mijo</em>.”</p><p><br/>
In the morning, the rites of the funeral began. Jaehyun walked behind the coffin wearing a white robe. Looking back on his childhood when he was being taken care by the nuns in Gaenari. This time, Jaehyun stood as their priest. It was that feeling between happiness and guilt. But Jaehyun tried his best. Untill Nana was buried, Jaehyun was overwhelmed again, and scared. He didn’t want to die leaving shame.</p><p><br/>
Other process have also been carried out. This time, all of the condolences were enjoying a simple banquet at the monastery. Only the neighbors were visiting. Before joining the banquet, they would pay their respects in front of Nana’s portrait. Jaehyun stood on the edge as one of her relatives. He welcomed everyone who came. Up til that time, his body suddenly froze, when he saw Taeyong’s entrance. The latter came neatly in a black suit, and he only glanced at Jaehyun once.</p><p><br/>
“안녕하세요 ,” Taeyong greeted several monastery members.</p><p><br/>
His slender body began to walk to place of respect. Taeyong also took a lily, and he put it right in front of Nana’s photo. Like the others, Taeyong paid his respects, and then left. Passing Jaehyun without showing any ill signs, then he sat down with the other neighbors at the veranda.</p><p><br/>
“Mother, excuse me for a second.” Jaehyun excused himself with a trembling voice. Quickly, he walked to the storage room next to the church, because something was oppressing his heart. Something was burning up his tenacity. Inside the cramped room filled with prayer tools, and stuff. Jaehyun leaned on an old piano. He had no idea what feeling were attacking him that time. Jaehyun’s body trembled violently, until the tears couldn’t be held anymore. He cried, and cried cursing himself.</p><p><br/>
Unexpectedly, Jungeun came in. She didn’t need to knock on the door, because she knew that something bad happened to his son. Shockingly, Jaehyun turned his back facing the wall while also forcing himself to stop crying.</p><p><br/>
“Son?” Jungen called him nervously. Jaehyun still won’t turn around. She walked in even closer. “Don’t hide from mother anymore.” She held out her hand to reach Jaehyun’s shoulder gently. Meanwhile, Jaehyun;s hands were clenched into fists because he was feeling too much.</p><p><br/>
“Stop torturing yourself. Please tell everything to mother.” Jungeun was still fondly stroking her son’s back, as she also tried to hold back her tears.</p><p><br/>
“Mother….” Jaehyun began to speak.</p><p><br/>
“Yes… I’m here.”</p><p><br/>
“I think… I have committed a huge and unforgivable sin… I don’t feel I deserve to continue standing here anymore.”</p><p><br/>
“Why do you feel you don’t deserve that?”</p><p><br/>
“I’m still the same, Mother. I never changed. I have walked away from the Lord’s bliss. I betrayed him and my fellow congregation.” Jaehyun was barely able to finish his own sentence.</p><p><br/>
“Son… please stop saying that… every human being has flaws.” Jungen hugged Jaehyun who looked very fragile and broken that time. She couldn’t bear it no more. “I’m just nobody who can judge you from all sorts… what grows in your heart, surely, that is a mercy from God himself… if you feel all of this is imprisoning you, then let them go.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun shook his head, he couldn’t find the solid answer. His throat hurted so much. Opening his mouth was a painful thing to do.</p><p><br/>
“I know, there’s God in your heart. He was there carrying his words, so you could share your feelings with his other creatures. You are not a criminal, son. Even a thief could still be forgiven, and what makes you think God won’t bless someone who loves another man-kind, right?” Jungen let go of her arms to look at Jaehyun’s face. “I also know everything, so I beg you… please, free yourself.”</p><p><br/>
There it was. Jungeun’s blessing gave a new light that illuminated Jaehyun’s intersection. That it was okay to remove what had been pinned on him all this time. That it wasn’t Jaehyun’s fault to born this way. His love for Taeyong came without any will. For that reason, Jungeun strengthened Jaehyun to choose once again. She gave him an opportunity to make his own decision. And that decision was him stopped being a priest.</p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun freed himself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>15.</p><p> </p><p>“Take care of yourself in Madrid, our little mijo!” Mikyung hugged Jaehyun tightly.</p><p><br/>
“Sister, if I call you later, promise me you pick that up, okay?” Jaehyun replied and hugged her even more tightly. After that, Jaehyun greeted all his family one by one. Until he ended at Jungeun who was tidying up his suitcase.</p><p><br/>
“Always be careful. Let me know immediately when you both arrive.”</p><p><br/>
“Of course, mother.” Jaehyun kissed Jungeun’s forehead as he pulled the suitcase. “I must go now.”</p><p><br/>
Jaehyun walked to his car which was already parked in the yard. Once again, he waved to his little family. “Goodbye, everyone~”</p><p><br/>
“Be careful, you two!” Mikyung shouted excitedly. That one made Taeyong -who had been standing beside the car- smile. They both waved once more. And then, Jaehyun started the car.</p><p><br/>
“Ready for the next chapter?” Jaehyun asked.</p><p><br/>
“To the end of this story,” Taeyong answered with a warm smile.</p><p><br/>
They drove through Garachico together to the Port of Santa Cruz. Towards the story of their brand new life across the sea there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>the end</strong>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>was inspired by Ave Maryam. please give me a lot of support. thank you guys.</p><p> </p><p>STAN KIM JUNGWOO!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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